I had it all planned out. I would be married at 22, have three children by 28, all while being a stay-at-home mom. But that’s not at all the way my life went. Life is full of unexpected interruptions and everyone has them at some point. What interruptions are you facing or have you faced? A diagnosis? Job loss? Divorce? Are you still looking for “Mr Right” when you’d planned to have children by now? Regardless of where you find yourself, hang on to hope. Though life may not be going the way you’d planned, it’s not over. Let me share with you one of my first unexpected interruptions in life.
To a woman who has dreamt of being a mommy her entire life, infertility can be devastating. Infertility has a way of making a woman feel less than and incomplete. All she wants is to have a baby and it feels like everyone around her is pregnant, but her. Then there are the baby showers she’s invited to, so she goes, putting on a fake smile and is in tears driving home.
In the midst of devastation, there’s treatment. Medication to help ovulation has an added bonus of helping you gain 20+ pounds. Then the charting of every ache or pain, any medicine taken, and all the details of the monthly cycle. Sex becomes more of a chore rather than an a time of intimacy. Trying to be “in the mood” based on charts and timed sex has a way of killing “the mood.” All of it takes on toll on the relationship with her spouse and ultimately, the marriage if you aren’t careful.
That was our life for two years. It was a difficult time but it was all endured with the hope of becoming pregnant and believing it was God’s plan for our life. More times than I can count during those two years people asked if we would consider adoption. Adoption? Absolutely not! I was angry that they’d even suggest it. Did they understand what we were going through to get pregnant? Furthermore, to adopt would be giving up on the hope I had in getting pregnant.
Then on January 31, 2000, during a phone conversation with a girlfriend, she asked if we’d consider adoption. At that moment, having never discussed adoption with my husband, let alone make any kind of list, four things, or contingencies, that I would need to have in order to adopt came out of my mouth without ever giving it a single thought before this conversation. Here are the four things I listed that night that we would want in order to adopt:
- We’d need to be contacted directly and not go through an adoption agency.
- We’d want to adopt an infant.
- We’d want bi-racial or African-American baby. I’m white and my husband is African American.
- We’d need the medical expenses paid for.
On February 2, we were contacted and advised to call a local law firm about a baby that needed a mom and dad. The next morning we went to the law firm to get more information. At the appointment, we found out that the pregnant African-American girl was attending college and didn’t want the baby. Because she was a college student, all of the medical expenses for both her and the baby would be taken care of by the state. We left the office that day, just three days after the conversation with my girlfriend, having signed the paperwork of our intent to adopt this little baby. I was completely in awe of what was happening. All four contingencies that I’d listed that night on the phone just three days prior were met and hope flooded my soul. Two weeks later, our baby Alexander was born.
If you know anything about adoption, you know that having even one of those contingencies met would be a miracle, however, all four contingencies were met! What’s even more incredible is that two years later, it happened all over again, all four contingencies were met and on September 23, 2002, our second son, Ethan, was born.
Fast forward to 2005, we received a phone call regarding three bi-racial sisters that needed a mom and dad. While they weren’t infants and there were no medical costs, after praying about it we knew they were meant to be our girls. On June 18, 2006, the adoption of Curiah, Sakiya and Ciana was finalized.
You see, life didn’t go the way that I planned, but it went the way God planned. There’s no doubt that all five of our children are gifts from God. Absolute miracles. God’s plan has gone way beyond anything I could have ever hoped for. So regardless of what interruption you have faced or are facing in life, hang on to hope. Put your life in God’s hands and trust Him with it. He see’s you, He loves you and He has a plan that far exceeds anything you or I could ever imagine. Trust me, I know.