Everything’s Not Ok and That’s Ok

UPDATE: Steroid therapy continues to prove that suppressing the LGL Leukemia allows my counts to stay elevated for chemo. Today will mark cycle 18 of Darzalex/Pomalyst/Dexamethasone (D/P/D). “They say,” this chemo regiment will teeter out between cycle 18 & 20, but I’ll go beyond that, that’s my goal anyway.

Tuesday is another long infusion day off IVIG. This infusion amps my IGGs, are immuno-globulins in the blood supports give different areas of ones immune system (Ie; my upper respiratory system). Since being on IVIG therapy, I’ve not been hospitalized with any upper respiratory infections and no longer run fevers with congestion side effects of chemo. All good reports.


Masks. We all wear them. In fact, if there were a way that all of the sudden everyone’s mask could suddenly appear, physically, it would look like the biggest Mardi Gra ever. We wear masks to hide the fact that our life isn’t perfect. It keeps others from seeing our true pain and struggles and thus makes everything look ok, when really everything is not ok.

My Aunt Carol talks about “The Christmas Letter.” You know, the family newsletter that’s sent out over the Christmas holiday giving family and friends an annual update on their family and all of the great accomplishments made over the past year? The letter is jammed packed with so many rainbows and roses that it leaves you thinking one of two things, either: “How could their family could be so absolutely perfect?” or “How did our family get to completely messed up?” The “Christmas Letter” isn’t going to tell you about their child recently running away or their son struggling in school or a daughter’s poor choices in dating and it’s definitely not going to tell you that their marriage is in crisis. Nope!

Yesterday’s Christmas letters have now evolved into the everyday Facebook posts and no one wants to be “real” except when it comes to politics, but don’t get me started on that one. That’s the topic everyone is willing to be real, REALLY hurtful, REALLY insensitive, REALLY rude and REALLY ugly, but I digress.

On Facebook, we see the family picture with all of the smiles but what you didn’t know is that 5 minutes before that picture was taken, two of the kids had a knock-down, drag-out fight. Or it’s “date night” and there’s a photo of the two of them at dinner but what you didn’t see written in the post or comment on the picture is that “date night” was really grabbing dinner after an 1-1/2 hour session with the marriage counselor. Again, everything looks ok, when really it’s not ok.

Those everyday Facebook posts only tell the positive and I will be the first to admit that I’ve done that (raising my guilty hand). Who wants to share their ugly out to Facebook?

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves.” Galatians‬ ‭6:2-3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

We were created to be in community with one another, through good times and in the bad times, we are to bare each other’s burdens. If we aren’t REAL, if all we do is where a mask, how do we get the REAL help and encourage-ment we need? I’m not saying that we should all just air our dirty laundry on Facebook, but can we take off the masks and be in community together? Love one another and help each other to know that it’s ok that everything is not ok?

I look forward to your thoughts and comments.

Life, Love & Cancer Ribbons,


10 thoughts on “Everything’s Not Ok and That’s Ok”

  1. Beautiful. Needed. Thank you. I’ve been curious about you recently. We appreciate the updates. Thank you for fighting. You’re loved.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Aww. Thank you! Getting ready to see my numbers and then head back for a full day of treatment. Thank you for your prayers. We love you guys too!


  3. Thanks for your updates Amy!! I always enjoy reading your thoughts and wisdom! I completely agree with Jeff (and you of course!) Keep on fighting God’s great fight! Love you Amy!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow Amy, that hit home with me. You are so right. I am one raising my hand too. I never looked at it like this but now I will from now on. This past few days for some reason have been really hard on me. Haven’t figure it out yet. But done nothing but cry for the last three days. Thanks so much for sharing didn’t realize I was wearing a masks. I pray for you daily. Love you chick.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m glad to hear that the chemo is “going well.” I really liked the comparison of FB and the Christmas letter- and it’s so true! We only see and only post part of our stories. Of course the hope is, that there are people in our inner circle we are sharing the harder, less pleasant truths. Sometimes those people are hard to find- and also sometimes it’s easy to feel like because EVERYONE is going through their junk, you don’t want to burden them. And here is yet another question- maybe even the most important question: How to be real and still respectful to the people that are in “real life” with you? There is a fine line. I hate when I cross it when I am “venting”, but I’m sure that I do. Then, I always feel regret, which leads to not wanting to be “real” anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Let tears flow my friend. Grieving with a diagnosis is all a part of the process and it does not mean you don’t have faith and aren’t believing for healing, etc. It’s are every year that God heals those tending places if it heart and he catches every tear drop. (Psalm 56:8) It’s ok, not to be ok.


  7. So what makes “us,” because I’ve experienced that to, feel regret? Is it that we don’t get the responses that we are looking for from others? We reach out and no one seems to reach back? I think those are good, heart questions. I, personally, thinks it’s because we make ourselves vulnerable when were real and then we’re left dangling when others don’t reach back. If I’ve done that, I’m sorry, my friend. Lots of love to you and your family.


  8. I’m so glad I have you as my friend and we can be real with each other. There’s not alot of people in this world that I can say that about. Thank you for being transparent and above all else authentically in love with Jesus.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I love you, Jessica!! So thankful that God connected us when He did, how He did. Your friendship is a precious gift that money cannot buy. ❤️


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